One simple, “how are you hanging in there?”, “how is today going?”, saying something is better than nothing. I struggle everyday with hurting so badly on the inside when the rest of the world is still going. I may look okay on the outside but there is a constant cloud over me wherever I go. I dodge people so I can run my errand and run right back home. Grief is grief, but it is also the worst.
I know there is no handbook to grief, what to say, what not to say, how to feel, how to cope… but life does go on clearly.
One day I hope to wake up, and know that with the undeniable struggles that life brings, there is some light in the world. Why do bad things happen? Why is life a bitch sometimes? Why am I being that one person who will openly admit “why me?”. I don’t feel bad for myself, I feel blah. I feel that I have mixed emotions and wish that when God had my Dad leave this Earth and go to Heaven that he left answers, and a handbook that had bullet points and a step by step list of what to do next.
If you have ever lost a loved one suddenly or not, maybe you feel that same way, maybe you don’t. I will never ever compare my grief to someone else’s. That is one thing I will never do, that’s just not fair. Life is life, and some days I will work on being the best person I can be, and some I will be that person in Target making a record timed trip just so I can get right back home to safety. That’s okay… right?
Oh well, if you are reading this, send some positive vibes my way… Lord knows I need it.