The Feeling of Defeat

Being the age of 22 is a blessing and a curse. You feel like you have had enough experiences to write a book, but little do you know, life is just starting out for you. At the age of 19, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. In a hospital twice, and years of therapy. Then I graduate from those programs and at the age of 22, my Dad passed away leaving just my mom and two brothers to figure out life.

Lone behold, life actually moves on and while still coping with anxiety or grieving, you can overcome obstacles and live a ‘normal’ life. I have been receiving job interviews and that is one thing I wish I could have the encouragement of my Dad to keep me going and motivated. Not that my Mom and brothers aren’t awesome, they are pretty bad ass people, there is just something missing in our life, but that’s okay.

This morning I was listening to my favorite podcast, Mindful. This gives me hope knowing that there are so many resources out there that deal with grief, mental health, and all around your well being. Grief is not a mental illness, but it can cause one to arise. That’s why I work really hard at trying to take care of myself physically and mentally. Did you know that Emergen-C has a melatonin line??? It works so well and I highly recommend it. It doesn’t make you feel drowsy, but I drink it before I go to bed and I get such a great night of sleep. When I was a freshman in college, I had such a bad sleep schedule. I would try to go to bed at 1am and try to make it to my 8am. The end result was me getting sick and more tired. Good thing it took me four years to learn not to procrastinate and go to bed early/wake up early.

Anyway, do you ever think that you need to be either a Type A or Type B person? I was thinking about it today, and I realized I am right in the middle of A & B. I am a creative person who also is punctual and productive. I have had to train my brain to know it’s okay to stay up late sometimes and think outside the box, but still show up on time, and turning things in on time…. talk about anxiety. Who was the one who said when we were young to by time you become an ‘adult’ you will have found who you are??? Scratch that and figure out who you are during your entire life. Okay… rant over.

Well, for whatever reason you are reading this, thank you for reading my thoughts and processing life with me.

 

xoxo, Anna

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