When one continues to grieve… you find yourself very vulnerable in different situations throughout the day. I hate it. I hate that even when I go to schedule an oil change that I have to be reminded that I can no longer say it is under “Troy Johnson” or that if they tell me I need new tires, I can’t say “okay, yes… my dad was going to help figure those out”.
Grief, you have taken so much energy out of me that I forget things. I forget if I have homework, what day it is, what month we are in. You have taken so much energy that I am tired by my first class and do not want to finish out my day.
Grief, you have made me feel guilty when I forgot my Dad’s phone number. When I don’t go visit him, or make a joke to others to ease the pain. You make me feel guilty when I cancel plans with friends because I am no longer up for being social. You make me feel guilty when I snap at others on accident.
Grief, you are the reason that in the midst of my day I may start crying because reality sets in and I realize that I won’t be going home to tell my Dad I got an interview, a did good on a test, or even how my day was. I saw him everyday and now a piece of me is missing.
Grief, although I would never wish you on my worst enemy, I have created new friendships, become closer with others, and have lost a few along the way. Because of you I understand what someone goes through now when they lose a loved one and my heart physically hurts for them now.
Grief, I know you will live with me forever so we might as well get acquainted, but please know that my Dad raised me to be a strong independent women who has dreams to change the world no matter what comes at me.